Magpie swims!

I got the toy!!!

This little cutie pie loves the water! She will even jump off the dock!  We go every evening after work to swim and play in the reservoir.  Her brother, Bear, loves to swim too.

Jumping off the "dock" before the dock was put in

Willow, not so much.

Oh my God! I think they splashed water up my nose!  MOOOOMMM!

And of course, their cool chariot.

1965 Ford Ranchero. Yeah, I know, it's cool.

This is what we do for fun in summer.  After we do this.

and this.

Yes, this is me riding my horse. With bald chemo head. You can't even tell with my hat on, I just look like a bad-ass cowgirl!

and this.

Which leads to this.

Magpie enjoying the big stack of loose hay in the barn.

We pack a lot into a day out here.  Good thing it doesn't get dark until 10 pm!!!

Chemo sucks...

There, I said it.  In fact I will say it again. Chemo sucks.  Sucks the life right out of you.

Now, don't think I am ungrateful.  I fully appreciate my blessings at having access to this modern miracle and insurance to pay for it and a body that is capable of (mostly) tolerating it. But at this point in treatment I feel like maybe I should have high-tailed it to that Mexican clinic and tried to cure this cancer with organic vegetable juices and coffee enemas.  It couldn't be as bad as this.

Don't worry, I also appreciate the fact that my tumor is dissolving much like an Alka Seltzer in a glass of water.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, Oh what a relief it is...

Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but it is what I imagine is happening in there. Anyway, I won't be border-bound any time real soon.

So ultimately the big drawbacks with chemo are:

1. you lose your hair.  ok, not so much your leg hair, but hair on head? Yes. Bald chemo head, not exactly my best look. and I am oh so challenged with tying on scarves.  The big bonus is no shampoo, conditioner, de tangling, etc. Not entirely a fair trade.
2. the fatigue... oh my gosh. the fatigue is unbearable. I personally slept all night Monday, all day Tuesday and all night Tuesday. and guess what - I am soooooooo tired right now.
3. the nausea.  The anti-nausea drugs are great, I haven't barfed at all (sorry if that is too graphic), but I feel perpetually hung over (without the fun of the night before) and no food sounds yummy.
4. the time suck.  This is one I hadn't really thought about but since we live in the middle of beautiful nowhere, it takes us 3 hours to get to the treatment center. then another 3-4 hours there and then 3 hours home. A BIG DAY. 

Since there are drawbacks there must be some benefits, right?... um besides the obvious one of dissolving the tumor.  Let's see...

1. weight loss- a direct benefit of all food sounding and smelling gross.
2. scarves- everyone wants to get you a beautiful scarf- that is definitely fun!
3. um... at a loss for a number 3.

Anyway, I am happy to be 3/8 of the way through this part and it is making me look forward to the actual surgery (maybe that could be bennie number 3).

Hopefully, I will have something different than cancer and cancer treatment to talk about next time.  Maybe how Magpie jumps off the dock into the river all by herself!!!

Play Misty for me...

I was thinking about riding today.  Which, if you know me, isn't at all unusual.

From Rother Horse Camp- going again in May! Sooo excited!

 I do a lot of my thinking while walking across our hay field to work.  Right now, it is not recognizable as a hay field, it looks like a snow field.  There really could be anything under that thick blanket of white.  However, I know from experience what is under there.  GRASS! lots of it, just waiting to feed our horses, our buffalo, our sheep. 

Willow- Official Hay Inspector

But today I was not thinking about the grass, I was thinking about riding.

I was thinking about why I love it.  Why I pursue it, why I am obsessed addicted preoccupied  very, very interested in horses and riding. Why I work full time to support this habit.  And why, if i am this obsessed interested, I don't compete in horse shows or ride endurance or do dressage or jumping or competitive trail or SOMETHING. Sure, part of it is the time and money, but if one truly wants to do something one finds a way. 

Trail Challenge- Mailbox obstacle

When the student is ready, the teacher appears.  To me this means that once your goal is determined, the path to achieve it will become quite clear.


I thought "Why don't I have a goal?" 

As anyone with self esteem issues knows, this type of question can propel you into a s@#* storm of self attack culminating in something akin to:

 "Of course you don't have a goal, you are a terrible person"

Being in recovery from the perfectionist view point that perpetuates this kind of attack, I was quick to thwart it by asking the more reasonable question:

"What is my goal?" (better, yes?)

I realized I'm not looking for the perfect jump or the flawless lead change.  Or roll back.  Or sliding stop.  I'm not interested in going the farthest, the fastest or even being the prettiest.  I don't need a horse with an impressive pedigree or impeccable conformation. Because I figured out remembered what made me a horse crazy girl in the first place.  And I remembered what it was because an article I read on Equitrekking reminded me about Marguerite Henry.

Do you remember Marguerite Henry?  She wrote Misty of Chincoteague as well as a pile of other horse books (Brighty of the Grand Canyon, Justin Morgan Had a Horse, Stormy to mention a few...) 

I don't know this for certain, but I think Misty was the first book I read about horses.  I still remember exactly what the book looked like, felt like and smelled like.  It had this cover:

Well, after I read the article, I absolutely had to revisit this book, so I checked it out of the library. (We watched the movie as well, but the book is definitely better).  After I finished reading, there were certain images (feelings, really) that stuck with me.  Although the book is titled Misty of Chincoteague, it is mostly about her mother, Phantom, and how two children gentled her to ride.  How they climbed on her back with a pad and a rope halter and let her run full speed down the beach.  How they worked to gain her trust and how they trusted her to fly across the landscape with them on her back.

They reminded me what my goal with horses was (and still is). 

FREEDOM AND TRUST

I want that feeling of freedom that you only really know when you canter a horse on a flat open piece of ground or successfully negotiate that barking, charging dog.  That mutual feeling of trust as you leave the herd behind and strike out by yourself with a relaxed and confident mount.

Specifically, I want to saddle up my horse, ride down the driveway and ride down to the boat launch. And I want to do it this summer.  We are working on it, one step at a time.

So thank you Marguerite and thank you Misty for reminding me of what I am after.

Oh my gosh... is it death for the blog?

hmmm...

Since I have discovered Facebook, it has been pretty quiet out here in my blog land.  My nearly insatiable need to post photos and write cute captions has been quite satisfied by the social media format.

It's not like I'm trying to sell anything.

It's not like I have a life changing message to deliver.  Although I do have this:

Which is my new life map...

But it has already been posted to FB, so it is kinda old news.

I know that the blog has taken a back seat (maybe even a spot in the trailer!) since there is not a peep here about "the cutest puppy in the world" aka Magpie.

If you aren't going to blog about this, I mean what do you have left?

and now that itty bitty baby is this big, black monster:

Still pretty cute though, right?

Not really a monster, but let's say highly energetic...

anyway, I guess only time will tell if I still enjoy writing little stories here and sharing photos from our wacky crazy slightly different from the norm life!

Have a happy, healthy, super new year! 

2012 rocked over here, and we are hoping that 2013 will be even better (I can't tell you how awesome it is when you start to hit your stride with something...)