Anniversaries...

Tomorrow, Friday September 19th, is my one year anniversary for completing chemo.

I know- yay!

It is, obviously, a cause for reflection as well as celebration.  Two of my sillier work mates gave me hand drawn cards today, basically celebrating the fact that I am not dead and emphasizing how I kicked cancer's ass...  I would post a picture of them... however, they are not, well, let's say appropriate. :)

I adore silliness- anyone who knows me knows that, it keeps me from taking myself (and the world) too seriously.  But, this, this is amazing.

Made for me by one of my co workers - beautiful

So, lots of celebration!  and it's not even until tomorrow.

The reflection part is oddly difficult for me.  I feel like I should be "changed" in some way.  More profound or wise or something...  but no.  Still me.  Which is A-OK, I love me, and think I am pretty great, but profound and wise?  Not so much.

Probably, the biggest change for me is not putting off things I want to do.  And trying new things that are scary but fun.  Like going to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis, SD (way, way more fun than I could have imagined!), driving the truck and horse trailer by myself (oh! the freedom!).  Going to horse camp, going back country horse packing in the Bob Marshall wilderness, riding on the back of my husband's motorcycle-all of it.  All the wonderful, glorious fun-filled adventures that are out there, just waiting to be enjoyed! I encourage you to go and do it, whatever it is.  The dishes, the dust, the laundry... all of that crap will be there tomorrow- Don't forget to live this life you have!!

I try to enjoy (really, truly, deeply enjoy) every little joy that comes my way.  Magpie, our border collie, wagging her tail and licking my face. My horse nickering at me. Our cat stretching up on his hind legs, begging me to pick him up. The deep, deep pinky oranges of the sunset. My husband hugging me for no particular reason and telling me I am his favorite. My life... 
My life kicks ass.

I try not to worry at all.  I don't mean not care, or not be careful or thoughtful.  I mean worry- like "what if this?" "what if that?"  "what if the whole world exploded???"   Key word being try... I still find myself obsessing about money (or really lack there of) and being grumpy about last minute changes.  But I can put it in perspective pretty quickly.  Having survived a "life-threatening illness" gives you a different perspective. 

I put "life-threatening illness" in quotes because it never really felt like that.  It felt like a big time suck and a pain in the ass and, yes I felt like the bottom of a cowboy boot fresh off the cow pasture some days, but I never (never-ever) felt like this is it, I am dying...  Maybe no one ever does.  Who knows?

The thing is, one year later, all I can remember is how much love and care I received from my friends and my family.  How they made me laugh and kept me strong and told me how beautiful I was, even when I knew I looked like crap.  I love each and every one of you and plan to stay around for as long as possible, making you laugh and giving you strength when you need it and maybe, once in a while, saying something wise or profound...

Live it- It's all you have!

Me, at Mt. Rushmore (I am the colorful one!)