I wrote this post shortly before I went into the hospital for my bilateral mastectomy. Even though the rain has turned to snow, it is all still pertinent...
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| One of the many things I am grateful for: little, sweet, deaf Bear dog. The loveliest dog on earth. |
I have
been thinking lately about how thankful I am.
At the school where I work, every day at lunch, after announcements but
before we eat, they have a ritual. It is
called "Moment of Silence". It
is one of my favorite parts of the work day. It only lasts 30 seconds or so, but it gives
me a chance to slow down, take a deep breath and make conscious note of the
things for which I am grateful.
Invariably,
my list begins with my husband. When I
say to myself "I am thankful for Brian." it encompasses
everything. It is like having a file
drawer in my mind with his name on it and when you open it, there is a whole
world of gratitude. I am thankful for
his adventurous spirit and his just do it attitude, without which I would have
missed out on so many wonderful experiences.
I am thankful for his encouragement and his belief that I am capable of
doing things, even when I am sure I can't. He pushes me to try harder and do
more, he pushes me to be a better me. I
can't really think of a better life companion.
This is of course all bundled up with his sometimes silly, always
hilarious personality, his strength and bravery, his love and commitment to our
animals and the life we have built together, his genuine curiosity in the
world around him and his ability to engineer and build almost anything. Yes, I am very thankful for my husband.
Of
course, the list doesn't end there. I am
thankful for this place we live in. As I
write this, it is POURING rain outside, the corrals are ankle deep in mud, the
sun is a distant memory, but still I
love this place. When I look out my
window, I don't see another house crowding in on us. I don't see pavement or a busy highway or
neon lights. I see a thick wall of
evergreen trees. I see our sheep,
huddling in their shed to keep out of the rain.
I don't hear traffic or people arguing or even really dogs barking
(unless they are our own!). I hear the chickens clucking, the horses nickering
at each other and, of course, the rain.
This stillness, this sanctuary is what I have yearned for my whole
life. When I look around and see what
Brian and I have built here; physical things like the sheep shed, the hay barn,
the fencing, and less tangible things like a sense of deeper purpose and a
connection to the earth, I can't help but feel blessed.
I feel
doubly blessed that we can actually make a go of it here. This is a tough place to make a living. The economy is... well, beyond struggling. If it were your dog, you would have put an
end to its misery a long time ago. And
while we bitch, whine, moan and complain about it, we are both very thankful to
be employed locally. No one hour each
way commute for another job that, face it, we would bitch, whine, moan and
complain about! It doesn't hurt that I
have a super boss, who is always on my side and helps me to do my best at
work. Especially grateful for her :).
I am
grateful for my health. I know you are
thinking, WAIT, you have cancer! How can you be grateful for you health? But I
am deeply grateful. Except for that one
little tumor (which yucky chemo shrank away to next to nothing!) my body is a
rockstar. I admit, I took that for
granted for a long time. Before my
appendix ruptured (3 years ago?) I had never been in the hospital. Never broken a bone, never had a serious
illness or injury. Never even had
stitches. Now, of course, I know WAY too
much about doctors and hospitals and needles and all that. However, I still feel like one of the
healthiest people I know. And I am determined not to take that for granted
anymore.
